Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
