Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
