Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
