I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize