cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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