You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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