fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
