Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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