Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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