Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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