i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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