I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize