I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
