I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
