why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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