You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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