Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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