Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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