Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Drake has all the answers
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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