The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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