She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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