I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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