my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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