my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
