i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
