she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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