So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
