I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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