Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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