Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
