We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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