A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
