i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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