I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
