i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
