im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize