P.S. I can't hear my feet
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
