I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
