I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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