Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
