i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
