I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
