Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
