I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You should frame my arrest warrant.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
