I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize