It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
