weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
