I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
