she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
