i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
