I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
