when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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