I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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