my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
