I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize