oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
