i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My feet surprised me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
