I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize