How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
