I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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