hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
