I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
