i think i have herpe
just one?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
