best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
