she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
