does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
