the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
