Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
