No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
