i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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