Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't deserve a penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
