i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
