1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
