I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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